I can not survive depression anymore !!

عادي !!

عادي .. نفترق عادي ..
عادي .. ننجرح عادي ..
عادي .. نتنسي عادي ..
الالم عادي .. والندم عادي ..
والعذاب عادي ..
الالم عادي .. والندم عادي .. والعذاب عادي
اي حاجة .. كل حاجة مش غربية .. غريبة عادي

حتى اللي كنت دايبة في هواه ..
وبقول في بعده مفيش حياة ..
خدت الحكاية .. وقتها ..
وكل شيء راح وانتهى ..
خدت الحكاية وقتها ..
وكل شيء راح .. وانتهى ..
بوقيت اشوفو زي اي حد .. عادي ..
واقل من عادي ..
الالم عادي .. والندم عادي .. والعذاب عادي
الالم عادي .. والندم عادي .. والعذاب عادي
اي حاجة .. كل حاجة مش غربية .. غريبة عادي

ما بقتش أخاف من الذكريات ..
ده الجاي بينسي اللي فات ..
بعده الحبايب .. قربو ..
ما بقاش فيه شيء .. استغربو ..
بعدو الحبايب .. قربو ..
ما بقاش في شيء .. استغربو ..
وبعيش في قلبي حزن فرح جرح .. عادي ..
بقى كل شيء عادي ..
الالم عادي .. والندم عادي .. والعذاب عادي
الالم عادي .. والندم عادي .. والعذاب عادي
اي حاجة .. كل حاجة مش غربية .. غريبة عادي

Mistake,,did it !!

I DID IT,,,NO DIFFERENCE !!!

EXhausted !

everyone is shouting,,callling her name from all aroudn,,

people at the right hand side
people at the left hand side
people
infront
back

at the corners
edges
everyone is calling her name

asking her for new thing

ordering !

advicing !


she is saying NOTHING,,

even if she did,,no one listen,,

it`s loud,,noisy,,

and she is exhausted

she is exchausted

yes she is

I AM EXHAUSTED

alive But Dead !

He is alive,however he is dead !!

he is breathing, but silently !!

he is shouting, but somewhere else !!

he is speaking, to no one !


he is really alive, but here he is dead, he is not there anymore ! not even at the corners !

you are just a copy of a dead person, am trying to wake him up,

but both of you are dead !

14th moon !

Once upon atime,,we were there,,same time !! same people,,different places..

But it was always there,,


Full moon

14th moon


You are a part of my life 2011 :)

Not a post

i will not explain or write
Untill it`s full ! and complete

الخن

علي فكرة الفترة دي مش سيئة ذي مانا متخيلة
بالعكس

في الفترة اتعلمت معني البشر و معدنهم

عرفت ان اهلنا حطينا في خون صغير اوي
رائحته جميلة مش وحشة
الناس اللي في الخن غالبا ذينا بالظبط

يمكن اسوا واحد او واحدة فيهم لما يغلطوا يبقوا كدبوا

لغاية لما تخرج من الخن
و تتكعبل في اول كل حاجة ممك تكون واحشة

هتفضل ذا الاهبل تتعامل ببرأة
بس لغاية متاخد علي دماغك

و بعديها تقرر لبيتك اللي هو مش الخون اللي تهاك عملوه

بس واحد شبه
بتحاول انت تبتكره و تقلد اصغر التفصيل عشان متحسش بالغرة

وتحس انك لسه بري ذي ما انت

و ارجع و اقول

يا ليل يا زمن

لمين

البلوج ده لمين

البلوج ده لأي حد تافه و فاضي
اييييييي

sorry

بس فعلا البلوج ينتمي لشخصية لها حلم غير واضح ولكنه بعيد و مشتت
و منيل بنيلة يعني

الشخصية دي مش انا

لأن انا شخصيتي كانت مختلفة عن اللي بتكتب دلوقتي

شخصية بريئة

كل اللي تقدر تقوله دلوقتي

يا ليل يا زمن !!!

يا تري ده معناه ايه

كل يوم بصحي علي امل ان يكون في امل

بس امل مجتشي

اقول بلا امل

طب صبري

الاقي صبري نفد

ابوس للسمي و اقول يا رب

القيها بتمطر

المطرة خير

ندعي بأه

تلقيها قلبت رعد

تقول يا تري ده معناه ايه !!!!

cassette tape !

I never thought that nostalgia can be expressed by this photo "cassette tape" !!!

However,,by quiet and deep imagination that i had right now i could say yesss it could be an expression of nostalgic mood !

it could say Nostalgia,

i imagine that by playing this tape i would listen to them !!

i would hear someone saying " this is for you ,,to remember oneday"

-Nostalgia-

انا عندي حنين

انا عندي حنين
ما بعرف لمين
-
فيروز
-

صعبة

فعلا في الاوقات الصعبة

في القرارات الصعبة

بيبان الصديق

"HERE I AM"

Today TEDx video,,

DEPENDING ON OTHER <<<:s
DEPENDING ON YOUR OWN SELF <<< you will need so much self motivation

DEPENDING ON GOD << you only need to pray


the third was the easiest,,,

believe me,,oneday--dont know exactly when--i will have my own book holding all my thoughts and travel sorrow and happiness,,,holding names of people i only met for a day and people i fall in love with,,,

I will be onday at that stage,,bursting to tears,,and saying " HERE I AM"

I overcome all the challenges and "HERE I AM"

I have done my best and "HERE I AM"

I learned alot and "HERE I AM"

I WILL SHOW PEOPLE MY FIRST LASANGE,,and say " HERE I AM"


I WILL THANK MY GOD

for being there,,,always for me

I will thank people who made me cry now,,who was a reason for all those emotions i have now,,and for this post that is written.

From here, Holding my Holly Quran,,i would like to say " HERE I AM"

3-6-2011 Midnight,,have to wake up early,,to a journay that i dont really like !! hope it goes well

Good night

silence,,

Only Silence,,

looking somewhere

"hwa ana babos fain ?!"

ابتلاء

يا ربي انا حزينة

20/3

see

ya rab

ربـيّ انـي اسالك ان تــريــح قـلبـي وفـكــري . . وان تـصـرفً عـنـي شـتـات الـعـقل والـتـفـكـيـر . . ربــي : انْ فــي قـلبــي { امــوراً } لا يـعـرفـهــا سٍــواك فـحقـقـهـّـا لـي يــا رحـيـم ، ربــي : كُـن مـعي فـًـي اصـعبْ الـظــروٌف ... .واريـنــيّ عـجـاَئــب قـدرتـــك فــيّ اصـعب الايـام

weakness

a friend told me,

Love gives us strength only at the begining then !!! it is all about weakness !

13.3.2011

it may be not frozen now as shown in the photo

but it is really frozen inside,,frozen idea,,frozen thoughts,,frozen words !

Oneday, when i was younger ( as if i am 50 now !!) i used to have alot of everything !

friends,,thougths,words,,ideas,,creativity !

But NOW !! am another person other than me,,a new one i have never seen before

i think that the surroundings really play an important role in affecting our inside, ourselves !

when it isnt not good, it really affects the one so badly ! that you would face a new person who is almost you !! but with new character !

am so depressed am afraid really to be FLUSHED ! in that !

let`s be postive,,i remember her when she was happy oneday,when she was creative when she was the real me !!

Unsolved PUZZLE IN MY MIND

the extreme >> really the extreme
and hope that you understand that it`s the extreme !!

everyday i try to convince myself !but really am fed up !!
becuase after everytime i think and ask myself for who and why !!


i talk to you thousands of times,,no backward !

So black,,so dark !!

u said it number of times,,but i couldnt believe it !! is that bcoz it`s really not existing or because i couldnt believe myself

PUZZLE IN MY MIND

Doors

you only have to open two doors and then will be free,,

you can go all around

it will be over


However, it`s not easy to cross the doors by myself !!!


SUPPORT ME

"FOLLOW ME"

Hello hiddden visitors !!

To all my readers,

hello :)
I can see that the counter is increasing day after day ! but no comment till now .However that makes me happy,somebody is reading my silly day by day comments and wonders..

Thanks for being here,

Even if it is only a quick look to see what`s that crazy girl doing today !!


Tschuss

she,,

She may be the face I can't forget
The trace of pleasure or regret
Maybe my treasure or the price I have to pay
She may be the song that summer sings
May be the chill that autumn brings
May be a hundred different things
Within the measure of a day

She may be the beauty or the beast
May be the famine or the feast
May turn each day into a Heaven or a Hell
She may be the mirror of my dreams
A smile reflected in a stream
She may not be what she may seem
Inside her shell....

She, who always seems so happy in a crowd
Whose eyes can be so private and so proud
No one's allowed to see them when they cry
She maybe the love that cannot hope to last
May come to me from shadows in the past
That I remember 'till the day I die

She maybe the reason I survive
The why and wherefore I'm alive
The one I care for through the rough and ready years

Me, I'll take the laughter and her tears
And make them all my souvenirs
For where she goes I've got to be
The meaning of my life is
She....She
Oh, she....

Mr moon

Dear Moon,

Your first appearance in 2011 was magnificent that everyone had a call did tell the other,," CHECK THE MOON".

I think 2011 was not a good start at any country around, But u were still shinning !

Werent you sad that everyone is sad !

You know, i think it`s not good to be there up high watching people everyday knowing how they feel what they do !

Knowing who is sad,watching people`s tears !

However you are still there shinning coming every month to tell us there is a reason to smile, they is still something in that world to stare at and to wonder how beautiful it is.

Please come everyday !

you become my friend "here",

waiting for you at night Mr moon :)

Tschuss

Worried 19/1

Confused !
over loaded
Stressed !

no i am not saying whatever like before,,,

because i am really worried !!

Follow me

i dont know if it would be successful or not !

i need a track,

"follow me"

with the right decision ever

personality and mind !


Life,be easy !

ya rab

ya rab
ya rab
ya rab

Only GOD knows

16/1 - 2

trying not to suicide

16/1/11

16/1/11
Severe Depression

for a known reason

Balloons

"Balloons, change my mood !!"

flower at my door !

i wake up oneday

to find a flower at my door

it is that color that cant be explained, surrounded by the greenish papers that makes its colors much more bright !

i kissed the flower,

looked right, and left

wondering who !! when but not why !!


WHOEVER,,,WHENEVER !!

i am abroad, and i recieved a flower from an unknown,,


let me tell u a secret, unknown is somewhere near but i cant see,

it is a reason for a smile today and tomorrow in that depressing world..


i loved the greenish papers more than loving the flower itself !! it`s full of life,,

how could a flower be a reason for a smile, thanks to the greenish leaves

i love it ~

i love it

اخر الدنيا!!

مفيش حاجة اخر الدنيا
يعني ليه ازعل علي اي حاجة !!

معرفشي !!!

بلا خيبة
محدش واخد منها حاجة

Beautiful,Today !

Today, i decided to be beautiful

inside & outside !

Sunny day 8/1/2011

today,,a sunny day !!
sun in germany ! who could believe this

oOoh,,no more white outside,,Snow are not there !!!

Could you believe this

i think today deserves a walk,,a walk to remember,,,

No snow,,it`s 6 !

today is good !
it`s only 6 degrees outside

yes, raining,,

but at least there is no snow,,, :))

قالى دلوعه .. قلتله اوعى

بعتم بالليالى وحدى لحالى
وما حدا طل من قبالى
ايدوو مالى ع الهدى

شفته من بعيد .. ماشى وحيد
صار بعينيه .. يعطى مواعيد
و بسمه ع شفاف .. قالتلوا اقف
حدك مشينى .. و الايد بالايد

سوا اتمشينا و نظره عينينا ملبكى
شو حكيوا علينا و لا اهتمينا بالحكى
وصلنا ع الدرب اللى يودى غرب
صار يغازلنى و يحكى بالحب
قالى دلوعه .. قلتله اوعى
و صارت مسموعه دقات القلب

شفته من بعيد .. ماشى وحيد
صار بعينيه .. يعطى مواعيد
و بسمه ع شفاف .. قالتلوا اقف
حدك مشينى .. و الايد بالايد

دواير

ولا حاضر ولا ماضي تروس بتلف علفاضي

ولا فينا شباب زعلان ولا فينا شباب راضي

مفيش غير اننا بندور ندور ندور

adapt

So foggy !!
this part is full of fog, that is endless !!

sometimes i just wonder why, and i just tell myself that this would end so soon and i will be fine, and it would only be a nightmare,
and then i wake up the next day and find that everything is still the same and nothing changes,
and u realize that i am only escaping the reality and i should only try to adapt to the presence and not to escape to nowhere !!!

i want to escape you but i cant, i think i have to adapt !!!

ADAPT !

Winter

i wish i could enjoy winter the same way as she does,,

الضياااااااااع

this part is called "الضياع الاخلاقي"