1day !

i think that i decided to leave forever,
never return back

i will try to reach a decision,

may be not today !!

may be not tomorrow !

but i know that GOD would help me

ولا عندي فكرة بكرة مخبي لنا ايه

سأفتقدك جدا

سأفتقدك جداً
حين أسير فوق شاطئ البحر
وارسم وجهك فوق طائرات الورق
واعبث برمال الشواطئ
وأبحر وحيدة إلى مدن العشق

...وأطارد طيفك كالمجنونة فوق الماء

-مما قرأت-

Candle, my life !

i decided not to complain,,

i will try to think positive,,

and just say whatever !!!

and as my friend mentioned, we are still young !!!!!!!


but i believe that one day really my life would be an inspirational and motivational story to tell,
it will be a candle for somebody !

My book !

one day i will write a book about me

my life

scenes

the worst before the good

i will mention how did i feel at those scenes

how life could be nothing to somebody

how could you easily decide to end it

and when you fail you will decide to do the worst things ever

revenge,yes !

from you ! not me

later on, you will know how u ended myself at a very early age

i will talk about sickness, how you could be sick and not mentioning

what it means to suffer inside, and smile outside

i will mention how hard it is to enjoy good moments, because your mind is only watching a movie, dramatic one !

i will mention questions i wasnt able to ask you !

i will talk about abroad !!! it would take at least 4 chapters to describe

i will mention me here ! the new character i never met before !

the dream that i dont even know

nostalgia to the present sins ! and revenge

the night talks to oneself !

i will mention you secretly !

-now am crying-

11/12

i think i did choose to have her life !
to live the way she does,,

not be explained,,

not now

NEVER !

"--"

negative!!

my way of thinking is 100% negative,,

poor me !

am not feeling good !

Nostalgic to the present !

Simply,

those days wont be repeated again !

Althought they are full of stressful moments !! but still good moments would be craved in my heart and mind !!

Cafe Mug !!

This part of my life now is calling "Losing" !!

I am losing my mind ;)
Belief !
Mobile ! -check last post-
and the worst is that i also lost my cafe mug !!! CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS ?!

I really loved it so much,
i know i used to waste my time making cafe in the morning
i know it is the reason i used to arrive classes late !

And that`s why i didnt bring another one,i thought there is a reason for losing it now,,just to concentrate and not to lose much time,,

You know what else ! it is the same for the mobile,,whenever i am doing nothing i am onphone !!!! hilarious !! BUT NOW,,it`s gone with the wind 3aaaaaaaa << this is scream !!

it is also good for my brother as i used to call him many times and he was like "sara i dont miss you anymore !" so i think it`s an advantage for all !!

lucky you have me as a blogger ! :)

Yesterday

Yesterday, it was tuesday !!! guesS what ! yea not good !

i wake up verrry early !
i lost my mobile !
the office of the stupid visa was closed ! after 2 hrs journey !!! ah and -7 degrees !! with a shoes that can absorb anything,,,hint: my leg fingers were already frozen !
repeating the journey again !!

So let`s count 2 hrs going and back =4 x 2=8 !! eight hours hehehehehahahahahahohohoh !

the worst part was the weather,i thought i would love snow,,,,except for yesterday--that`s what i thought--

But i recongnized that i wake up everyday morning,,and look at the outside gloomy whitish silent streets,,and say ""*(**&)(*&*"" <
and just remember how sunny it could be in egypt just right now !!!

LET`S SEE THE BRIGHT SIDE OF THE 8 HRS JOURNEY !

during my 2nd return,i met a lebanese girl who is 18 years old,,she is really cute,,,she isnot german,,her father is from lebanon and her mum from other country,,,and she dont know arabic words except close and open the door !!

but we were able to understand each other,,,I smiled and i thought that everything happened just to meet this girl and to know people from that small tiny village,,,it`s destiny ,,i hope it is the right word...

but at the same time i was thinking that i wake up in the very early morning and found the office closed,,and returned back,,just to lose my mobile,,,Destiny too !

hint:--i was starting to write that i hated myself for losing it--but i deleted it

Everything happened and will happen and happens for a reason,,,i hope that it would be a good reasons,,!!

wish me luck,,and pray for me

Hope tomorrow sunshines,,,NOT LITERALLY HOPE !!



HEY THERE,,I really feel that someone there is just saying what`s this shit !! but i really want to scream,,,and instead i just write out everything

i think it would be better than screaming,,,dont you ?!

Pressure !

I know you dont really care,
But just for me to remember !

this part of my life is called "pressure" !!

--I am chewing gum--Oops no
--i am killing the gum--


Screaming out loud !

for a while !

i need to know how the story will end !!

it wont be the worst end,

but i think it wont be good !

that`s why i ll keep enjoying life,,for a while !

New look !

I want to have that look !!

Gelling my hair,

wearing black tight "t"-shirt !!

give me mic !


i will keep singing the whole night !

dancing,,may be !

why not ?!

I NEED THAT !!!

I will tell you a secret,

I wake up everyday, i always have the thought that i am not doing the right thing and that it`s (*&()&)(*& <
Actually, i am very moody !


May be because i dont know what i really need or want !! or may be because i already dont need anything

or may be because it`s lack of faith !

But what i really know

is that i am not who i am !!



MOOOOOOOOOOODY !!! :s

i have to gorget everything
not to put in my consideration anything
have to think of myself
what makes me happy
and what makes me good

smile from deep inside


forget abt others

and what would make them sad,and unsatisfied


i really need to feel satisfied

you know what
oneday,i will choose something
i am sure it wont be the perfect fo rmebut at least i would struggle for something

i will say "I NEEEEEEEEEEED THAT !!! "

One day to live

few seconds

forgetting past

Future

and present !

One day to live !

Options please !

writing and deleting,,

well,

it seems that it`s difficult to stay,however it is more complicated to return !

Unstable yet !


-Puzzle-

26.11.2010

Snowing day,,

it`s the 1st time to see snow in my entire life..


-للذكري-

1st feast apart !

wake up !!! ""it`s the feast""
directly walking towards the laptop,
turning on quran channel,
"the volume", she thought

"High", she kept on thinking

walking to kitchen, having her breakfast prepared, it is a big one, getting her omlette prepared, her mozarella cheese, hot toaste..

returned back to the room, "who would be the one to call me ?!" ,she hold her mobile"yes !!" with a sleepy smile

then she recieved the 1st feast greeting, apart !!!

That Kind !

Can you swear that you always tell the truth ?!

That all what you say is what you mean, and that you always mean what you say !!

How hard it is to be someone of that kind, treating all people as if they are all of that kind.

and finally you discover that no one is of that kind !!

the truth

So, Please keep hidding it for a while -forever- !!

One way !

Althought it is one way decision !!


Althought it isnt totally right situation,



we just keep on going that way !

Happy eid 15/11/2010

يا ليلة العيد انستينا

-------------------------------

"و الليلة عيد..ع الدنيا سعيد""

سمعتها وانا هنا

بعيد

للذكري

15.11.2010

i cant express the feeling of being apart, celebrating the feast alone.

But at least, i had that feeling that no one-except people here- had..

Only few people who are already apart too, experince that feeling of being here celebrating alone

the best part of the day is watching muslims in the streets just saying "salamo 3leko" w "kol sana wento tyben" althought they are already from different arabic countries, they could be even turkish but they still know those two sentences, which makes the world smaller. and "lelet el 3eed" much better :)

Happy eid to all people apart :)

Everywhere Struggle

This part of my life is called " everywhere Struggle" !

So Please Wake me up When it`s over !!

SHUT UP !

I wont speak my mind anymore,

i wont even open my mouth to talk

PLEASE, SHUT UP !

Sunflower,,

-"Excuse me, Can you tell me why you love sun that much ?!"

-"You even put sun before your own name?"

----"Simply, it`s why i am alive !!"

Said by (2)

سأذكر بارقة من حنين
أضاءت بقلبي فراغ السنين

وأذكر موجة حب دفين
تداعب أحلامنا كل حين

وتطفو على صفحات العيون
سأذكر ماعشت هل تذكرين.

__فاروق شوشة

"مما قرأت" series

مازال يســـــاورني يقيـن ..!أن هـــــناك شـــــئ ينتــــظرني بعد الصــ ـــبر ؛لـِ يبـــهرني فينســيني مرارة الأمـس" وَبَشِّرِ الصَّابِرِينَ "فـَ هذا وعدٌ من ربــّي

هجرتك طوعا لانى رأيت قلب يهوى فراقي , نعم اشتاق, ولكني وضعت كرامتي فوق اشتياقي, وارغب وصلك دوما ولكن,طريق الذل لا تهواها ساقي

-مما قرأت-

Said by

متى أَحَبَّت المرأة كان الحب عندها ديناً وكان حبيبها موضع التقديس والعبادة - طاغور

No Tears

Because someone somewhere's going home tonight

Try to understand the sacrifice

So save your tears for those left behind

-James Blunt-

Grow up !

Have you been asked before to grow up ?

How to grow up ?

what is the attitude that proves that you are grown up ??

If you have a clue, inform me !

I refuse to grow up, until you tell me "WHAT`S GROWING UP" ?

That Color

it is that color,

that tells you that the weather is windy

when you find the streets full of it

You dont know whether it is red

Gold

Yellow

or Golden Brown

But all i am thinking of

is that i want to write my name over one of them

and ask the wind to take it away

Please, Remind me to write my Mobile number ! :)

Looking around

Thinking that you are too much far,
Alone most of the time

Give me an idea of wondering

Looking around

At every single person walking in the street

What`s their destination?
What`s their dream?
What`s their hope?

That woman who comes from the post everyday, she did forget today to close the cover of her post car.

That man who used to clean the street for over a month, is not here today ! May be sick

That turkish guy selling bread in HIT who always stare at me asking himself "is she turkish" , is abscent ! But replaced by another Old turkish man

A woman who left her child crying in the car, and i tried to help the child. But because i am veiled i thought it wont be good to open the car for the child to go. i looked around for his mother, she was inside home,,EATING !!

Anyway, i will keep you up to date with the latest info about the turkish guy, the post woman, and crying child who is suffering from his hungry mum !

Eat,pray and love

Eat ,pray and love

is a must see..

it is inspiring..

Emotional

Motivational

It answers questions,

and asks others..

i was given peace of mind

But felt much more isolated

as if the surrounding is not even here..

as if i am in another world where nobody can reach me..

I hope one day i could find my way

Pray everyday thanking GOD for giving me the chance

to eat,love and do my prayers

I feel that i am passing by three phases all together,

i am sure that every person who would see this movie would have the same feeling

He would feel that it talks about him in a certain way..

what i really liked the most,

"I disappear into the person I love"

"so exhausted and depleted"

"Meditation helps"

"I am the luckiest girl in the world" with that smile of her face

the scene when she was looking at all her friends, she might be asking herself, "will i meet them again ?!"

Finally dont forget to eat,pray and LOVE !

DEAD !

Sometimes,i think that i want to tell every single person i did know in my life a certain thing. It could be a thought about him/her, an advice but mostly it would be just "i will miss you"

That`s why,i am here now, i had a feeling that i might die so soon !! so i will miss you my friends and family, my beloved ones.

I hope i could tell one by one, how much i enjoyed my stay with you. even if it was for few hours or minutes.

Remember me in your prayers !!


HEy, i am not dead yet. But even if i am not, remember me in your prayers.

ليلة

ارتاح يا قلبي ليلة

بعد الغربة الطويلة

Hidden truth

she always dreamed of him, holding her tight

telling her, "i am here for you & only you"

She always dreamed of him,holding her hands

telling her, "speak your mind"

She always dreamed of herself talking to someone without being afraid of consequences,

heart, that would feel how she feels

feels her misery

her feelings

her life !


She never thought that she will be loved by him

But when it happened, it was already impossible


it is the unknown,
Unknown truth
Unknown fate
Unknown destiny

it`s only for you !

She never felt that she will love anyone, until u appeared.

you are the love of her life, and the only hidden truth !!

29.10

و لي فؤادٌ إذا طال العذابُ بهِ هامَ إشتياقاً إلى لُقِاء مُعذبهِ

أنا و سهرانة

أنا و سهرانة

- الأخوين رحباني
أنا و سهرانة وحدي بالبيت
على السكيت و متل الضجرانة
مشية قريبة طقت عالدرب
قلت يا قلب جايي حبيبي
قمت و ضويت زحت البرداية
تيشوفا الجايي و شعشعت البيت
رتبت المزهرية هييت قلوب السكر
حطيت الشال عليي و لبست العقد الأحمر
و نطرت الباب تالباب يدق
و القلب يدق و ما دق الباب
و المشية بعدت بعدت بالليل
محاها الليل بعدت و بعدت
أنا سهرانة و طفيت الضو
و طلع الضو أنا و سهرانة

Unlucky

When the best phase of your life is the worst,

Then you are unlucky !!

المستحيل

كان حلمي اوصل للمستحيل

بس ولا وصلت

ولا بأه المستحيل موجود

حلم منتهي الصلاحية

جوايا خجل

الم

حلم منتهي الصلاحية

غريبة اوي

الدنيا

الناس

النفس البشرية

يارب اهديني

قويني

اه

اه ياليل يا زمن

تساؤل

السؤال هو

كيف يصل بنا الحال الي هذا المستوي من التدني

انا لا اتكلم عن بلد

وانما نحن ابسط من ذلك

المحزن فعلا ان العلاقة التي يجب ان يتخللها الحب و الالفة و الاحترام

قد تحولت الي علاقة جافة صامتة باهتة

بل و حتي لا يوجد بها اي احترام بل قسوة و خوف و تساؤل

من المسؤل؟؟؟

يا رب الهمني الصبر

يا رب الهمني الحكمة

يا رب يسر

يا رب يسر

يا رب يسر

اللهم امين

Proud ?!

For people writing "muslim and proud"

Do you think that islam is proud of you ?!!!

اللهم امين

اللهم إني لا أعلم مايواجه أصدقائي وأهلي وأحبابي من ظروف وأنت وحدك العالم بها.. أنا أسمع صمتهم وأنت تسمع دعائهم.. وأرى ضحكاتهم وأنت ترى دمعاتهم.. أرى ظاهرهم وأنت ترى قلق دواخلهم.. اللهم ارحم ضعفهم وأعطيهم سؤالهم وأنعم عليهم بالصحة و العافية وجازهم بالخير و الإحسان وفرج عنهم وأفتح عليهم أبواب السعادة في الدارين وأرزقهم الجنة.. اللهم آمين

afraid

i am afraid

GAP

it`s a hollow relationship



that ended with a GAP

ربنا يستر

انا اثق بك

و ربنا يستر

خايف جوات الناس الحلم يموت

بكرة مابعرف شو اللي ناطرني

خلف الضحك وهمومنا المنسيي

خلف السهر والليل والغنيي

بعده الماضي الحزين بيجرح الحنين

واصوات عم بتئن خلف وجوه منسيين

خايف جوات الناس الحلم يموت

بعرف انا كتير الوجع غيرنا

هب الهوا ومتل الورق طيرنا

وبغمرة الأحزان دورنا عالنسيان

نسينا شو أصل الآه وحيرنا اللي عم بيصير

بس الألم مرات بيكبرنا

Need !

i need a Hug !

a deep one

from someone

anyone

i love !


i need a hug

that tells me everything would be fine

i am nearby

i am here !

[ Even if it is a lie..]

I need to be pampered !!

ابتلاء

this part of my life is called "ابتلاء"

الحمد لله

اللهم الهمني الصبر و الحكمة

يا رب

الله يرحم الامان و الاحترام

و الرجولة

فليحيا التناقض و الانفلات

يا رب

اللهم يسر

S05E13

Desperate housewives
Season 5
Episode 13

i always believe that number 13 is unlucky !! like all others
plus i never thought that an episode would change my mood !

BUT IT DID !!

Episode 13 presents a character which is really inspiring !!

i am sure that there are many other characters who look like that character in islam, and for sure they are MUCH BETTER !

May be because it`s what i accidently inspired by !


anywayz,Watch it !!

الانفجار

يولد الانفجار !!

TOP secret !

TOP SECRET..

WHAT`S YOUR TOP SECRET ?!


Dont worry, it will be kept "f beeer" .. ;)


You know what, whatever you say it`s not your top secret.


COME ON, feel free to show the evil acts, feelings and look !!!!

Push !

need a PUSH !!

"UN"hidden diary !

Remember that hidden diary ?!

Yes, the one you used to write about your love..

The one you used to draw your parents` character, huh the imaginary one.

I had that one too,

You are not the only one who have the hidden diary.

Yet, it`s not hidden. It`s almost everywhere. But no one read it. They think it`s a silly copybook with silly calender and appointments. They think that it might be empty.


HOWEVER,They dont know that it`s full of secrets about...THEM !!!


WELL,,Please dont tell them about the UNhidden diary !

وش !!

ورا كل وش حكاية

i "had" a hobby !

The best part is that i used to have a hobby !



The worst part is that it vanished !!

I want to Smile !!!!

I want to Smile,

Not that fake one to hide my tears,

Not that smile to hide my fears,

Not that smile to say i am Ok,

Not that smile i have been smiling for almost 20 years !!

I want to smile,

From the deep of my heart,

I want to smile with no afterwards cry,

I want to smile because of feeling happy,

I want to smile because of achieving my OWN goals !!

I want to smile When i need to smile Where i want to smile !!

حلمي

كان حلمي اثور

Butterfly !

Life is colorful as a butterfly..

Today could be a red day, cheerful one..

tomorrow could be pinky, with a smile in every step..

sunday could be sunny in the morning with gloomy sunset.

friday could be silent at the begining but loud at the end.

wednesday which is the brown one is that day you wont feel Ok. However you post an article wishing to have a baby blue thursday !

Wish you get the color you really want !

Unknown !

Few days are left for the future..which is Unknown !

The extent !

Do you love her ?

Are you ready to sacrify?

To what extent ?

The extent does matter !

Need !

Need Solution,

Explanation,

AnswerS,

Need Advice

HELP !

HELP !

HELP !

If my Heart was a house

Back and forth, if my heart was a compass you'd be North
Risk it all cause I'll catch you if you fall
Wherever you go, if my heart was a house you'd be home

If my heart was a house, you'd be home


We got older and I should have known
(Do you feel alive?)
That I'd feel colder when I walk alone
(Oh, but you'll survive)
So I may as well ditch my dismay
(Bombs away... Bombs away...)

Today`s photo !

Today`s photo !

FluFFy

"Fluffy"

that`s its name,yea the hamster.

Easy life is the name choosen by the photographer for this photo.

i wondered -as usual- and i asked myself-as usual brdo-"Does fluffy enjoy its life ?!"

"How does he spend his day?!, the 24 hours !!"

"Running,rolling,eating and that`s all !"

"WHAT A BORING LIFE !"

But it actually looks like our life,we spend everyday doing the same thing,waking up at the same time,see same people,,NO they are BORING PEOPLE,,

Actually routine is everywhere,even in fluffy`s life !

but i think i would prefer to be fluffy than to be me, Ask me why !!

"At least,i would have someone who would care for me !!"

Alert,message !!

i recieved a message today

No, not a mobile message

mm,,No,not an email



it`s a new kind of message left over my car


unfortunatly,it`s not a love message
it`s a message telling me in impolite way to park well

ولك ان تتخيل الاسلوب



and the only question i asked my self , " why didnt u comment about my way of parking my car in a polite way?"


ليه نكون ناس مش متربية و لسنا طويل
لما ممكن نوجه اعتراض بأسلوب متحضر



و شكرا

change the world !

Dont Change the world,,"Be the change you wish to see in the world"

Graduation day !

It is everyone`s dream..but My nightmare !

"Desire overcomes fear"

Overcoming phase

This part of my life is called " Overcoming Phase".

Actually, i am trying to get busy doing silly things so as not to feel tensioned and stressed doing important things..